Rabbi Akiva Remembers

Guest Post... By Rabbi Akiva Gutnicki

My mother was an incredible person. Her memory continues to be an inspiration to me and my whole family. For me personally, a big factor that led to me involved in Kiruv was my mother.During her lifetime, my mother lived life to its fullest despite many obstacles throughout her life. She lost her father at the young age of 14. How did she react? She picked up the pieces and worked after school and helped support the family financially. In fact she always took great care of my grandmother ob"m.
My mother always led by action. She instilled in my childhood great memories. My childhood was always fun due to her. In elementary school, I always had any nosh that I wanted. Every Pesach holiday we always went to a hotel. Anytime possible we would have a big birthday party. Any toy,video game, etc..that we wanted my mother didn't even hesitate and got the item that we wanted. 
She did all of this while having cancer. My mother felt that each moment in life was so valuable and deserved to be maximized. Her sickness never served as an excuse that she couldn't take care of us properly. Quite the contrary, it gave my mother more motivation to give us the best childhood. 
My childhood days were some of the fondest in my life. The gift that my mother gave to my family to make everything look a normal day despite a reality of many obstacles was invaluable. For me personally, I am very grateful to have that experience. I try to lead my life that way for my whole family. That even though we live in a world with many challenges, we still have the ability to make the best of it at each moment. It had led me to go into kiruv; where I try to inspire people about Judaism. I always try to convey that Judaism is meant to be a way of enjoying each moment in life. Mommy, I miss you dearly. Thank you for what you gave to me, I always will cherish my childhood. I will always will cherish what you did for us.

What Would Yetta Gutnicki Do…

For those who know me a long time they may know of another Gutnicki; Yetta Gutnicki. There was a time that many people from different circles knew of my mother. Some knew her from her childhood, some from her work as a nurse, and some from other circles. It was always fascinating to hear about my mother. These days there are fewer people who knew of her. Subsequently, I must rely on my own memories to recall the days of old. Naturally pictures and visiting locations from the past is also helpful. Sometimes,I will reflect on a specific date or a certain amount of years ago such as 25 and 30 years ago.

As my own children grow older I often catching myself following my mother’s footsteps. As my wife and I prepared Simcha for his bar mitzvah we used various incentives to keep Simcha on track. We also expected our son to devote adequate time to his bar mitzvah studies so that he can be successful. At the same time we were very careful not to cause stress to Simcha during the process. Incidentally, a funny thing happened along the way. Simcha not only reached the expected milestones for his bar mitzvah; he exceeded it. He practiced his laining and made sure he can be heard by all of the participants. It was then I noticed some remarkable parallels.

I remember how my mother used incentives to keep my brothers and myself on track for our bar mitzvah as well as other tasks. More importantly, I also remember how my mother kept fighting for her children until the very end of her life. No matter what challenges she was facing nothing was ever more important than the welfare of her children. She always made time to help her children with their academics, listen to their problems, and always pushed and fought with every ounce of strength for the benefit of her children. The fighting aspect occurred to me as I reflected on the different challenges my wife and I have weathered for our children. As I think about the various memories of my mother it always involved helping her family in one form or another. For example, while she was ill with ovarian cancer, she was helping her own mother with illness, her children with their homework, and so on. So as I reflect on my mother’s life I ask, “What would Yetta Gutnicki do?” The answer is very simple. She would keep fighting no matter how steep the challenge. Giving up would never be an option.

Memories of Kosher Delight and Other Stuff

When I was a kid Kosher Delight was all the rage. Like many families we enjoyed the convenience of eating at their establishment. Anyhow... let me take you back to 1990 when I was about to enter my 2nd year of college. For those who remember those time our economy was not doing well. The stock market crashed only a few year earlier and everyone seemed to be hurt financially. The shop until you drop attitude of the 1980's was no longer viable. Nevertheless, we still had bills to pay. In my case, I needed a way to pay for college. As the summer was winding down, I started looking for a job. I called several ads and was getting nowhere. Since I was 18 years old at the time this is no surprise.

Upon hearing of my job woes, my mother said to me, "Your going about this the wrong way. I have an idea. I am going to drive you around. You will walk into different establishments and tell the store manager you are interested in working for them." Our first stop was Kosher Delight. I spoke to the manager for a few minutes and was hired immediately. My shift was from 6-11 PM 5 days a week; Sunday- Thursday. At this job, I had several tasks including carrying up the food from the freezer in the basement, preparing customer orders, and assisting customers. I do not remember too much about the experience. However, here are a few things I do remember. My manager, told me after they finish the order to subtly ask if they need anything else. Furthermore, if the customer, did not order a drink we were encouraged to ask the customer if they want a drink with this order. I also remember had to wear a silly Kosher Delight hat and some kind of Kosher Delight uniform which had seen its better days.

A few weeks later a friend of mine bumped into me at Kosher Delight and asked me what they were paying me hourly. When I told my friend I was making minimum wage she was horrified. She then told me, "I am going to get you a better job with my boss." I went on the interview to work at a picture frame factory. Sure enough, they were interested in hiring me. With this in mind,  I discussed this new job opportunity with my parents and told them how I would get paid 6 dollars an hour instead of 4 dollars an hours. My father was concerned about me leaving Kosher Delight and was noting that you might  regret leaving if this Kosher Delight manager gets promoted and you bump into him in other circles. He further noted that if I really want to leave I should give the manager 3 week notice. Suddenly, my mother said sarcastically, " 3 week notice? He only worked there for 4 weeks! Plus your talking about a  fast food job!" Afterwords, we all had a good laugh and of course I started the new job.

So... what is the point of this story? Well, in short my mom was someone you could always depend on sensible advice. No one had more  street smarts than her. Who else could coach their son to walk into a store and get a job. Who else could dispense great dating advice, how to handle changing jobs, and so on. This is why she was well liked at the medical office she worked at. She knew people were nervous about going to the doctor. To this end, she would always dispense good advice, and put their mind at ease.

Studying for Tests

For as long as I can remember there has always been a great deal of chatter on student proficiency levels in ELA and Math. Whether you refer to the Nation at Risk, the Common Core Standards, or the new teacher accountability system; it is always tied to student performance in which politicians  discuss the percentage of students performing at grade levels or which countries have the best education system.

Yesterday  I was reading a report which discussed the average SAT scores of teachers servicing students and how we should try to recruit teachers with high SAT scores. Lost in these conversations are how these tests impact students. In fact, I do not think I ever seen an article that addresses this issue. I am always thankful that at least in my elementary years the annualized test was not ac major focus in our school. However, I do remember how the regents in high school were a big deal. Like many students I studied for the exams and worried how I would perform as I was told how important it was to graduate with a regents diploma. Keep in mind, that during the 1980's a regents diploma meant you passed 3 math regents, 2 science regents, 1 history regents,  1 English regents, and 1 language regents. Through it all both my parents were very supportive of the entire process. My father was always available to help me with any math question I had and had an amazing way of explaining mathematical concepts with such clarity. Similarly, my mother was very helpful with the Biology regents which is no surprise given her medical background.

Both my parents were demanding (especially my mother) as they wanted the best for their children. At the same time, my mother would offer support ranging from study techniques,  assisting with my studies, encouragement , coaching, and so on. She also told me repeatedly that she was not concerned with the final grade as long as I focused on my studies. Through their support I always understood that  the test score was not the most important thing, it was what you learned through the process. Through their support, I was not super stressed about these high stakes tests as I knew I had a family that was very supportive of this process. As I think about these experiences I am both appreciative of the upbringing I had. However, I also recognize that our politicians need to build the necessary supports so that struggling families can help their children as well as there is no question that strong family support is the most significant factor to guarantee student success.

My 12th Birthday

I do not remember my 12th birthday too well. However, I do remember the following sequence of events. I wake up in the morning and there is some kind of present near my bed side. I honestly do not remember what the present was. However, I do remember enjoying the delight of being surprised and what a genuine good feeling it was. Years later I use this tactic of surprise birthday presents and presents with my wife and family. Naturally, they enjoy the surprise as well. Having said that, it is worth recognizing the master of surprises and gifting; my mother. It gave her a great joy to surprise her children. She could not wait to see the look of surprise on her children's face. In the end, it made such an impression on me that till this day I also get a great joy when I see the look of delight on someone's face. For example, for one of my wife's birthday I snuck an iMac computer in to the house. Needless to say she was quite surprised. So... with that I close by saying thank you mom for inspiring the best in all of us.

About this Blog

All to often we are in a rush running to our jobs and other pertinent tasks; never taking the time to reflect on one's life and learn from the past. A few days ago

was October 27th; a day that I will never forget as it was the day my mother passed away. As I think about this date,  I cannot believe this happened 24 years ago. When my mother passed away I was starting my 2nd year in college. 24 years later, I  have been married for 19 years to a loving wife and have 2 wonderful kids.

From time to time I talk to them about my mother and what she meant to me. However, I get the sense that they do not fully comprehend how this person who is my mother is no longer here. After all, they still find the concept of their grandmother being my wife's mother hard to grasp.  I also talk  about my mother  to my wife and other people. However, it seems there should be a repository of information about my mother so I can help them better understand who she was. Of course this repository does not exist as my mother lived long before the modern internet was used. With this in mind, I dedicate this blog to my mother, my children, wife, family, and, friends. May it serve as a source of inspiration to all.