Remembering Yetta Gutnicki

As I get older it is getting harder to remember all the little details of what happened during my youth; especially during my pre-adolescent years. I guess this is part of the reason why I blog about my mom as it will hopefully help preserve what a special lady my mother was.

Fortunately, I have recently acquired a treasure trove of pictures from my youth thanks to my father. As I look at this picture, I instantly recall the personal time I got to spend with my mother during my early college years. I would often watch old TV shows with my mother late at night or MacGyver during the primetime hours. 

During this time we would discuss all kinds of things. More importantly, my mother always showed great interest in everything little and everything big in my life both as a mother and a friend. This would include advice in college, career, and other endeavors as well. At the time, I did not know that my mother had been sick with cancer for several years. However, even during my teenage years, I understood how special and unique this relationship was. 

I am especially fond of the time  we spent in Boston during June of 1990.  At the time, I was helping my mother (by keeping her company) who took my grandmother to a specialist in Boston. As always my mother showed great strength, grit, humor, and a never ending compassion. Its amazing to think that my mother had cancer for 5 years at the time and yet she never complained about anything. Instead, she always prioritized her family with never ending selflessness. Looking back at this time, I believe my mother was trying to make every moment count and was on a mission to help people with every ounce of strength she had. This is why she always found time to talk and be with her children squeezing in time during the day  and nighttime; even into the wee hours of the early morning. Till this day, I am amazed and inspired by my mother's example. I can only hope that her example will continue to guide me as I raise my children with my wonderful wife Esther Gutnicki. 

Memories of Shlomo Carlebach

Growing up, my parents were big fans of Shlomo Carlebach. This is not surprising given the fact that my uncle (Sam Intrator) was Shlomo's manager. However, this was not about family loyalty.

In truth Shlomo Carlebach was a charismatic singer who melded the philosophies of the 1960s as well as the folk sound of the 1960s and along the way showcased a new dynamic sound for jewish music lovers. Over the next 30 years many other jewish singers emerged such as MBD, Avraham Fried, Miami Boys Choir, Piamentas, and many other acts. Of course in this day and age it is easy to forget the importance of Shlomo as jewish music has never sounded better. However, without Shlomo's music, jewish music would never have evolved into the sound we enjoy today.

In any case, our family attended many Carlebach concerts, davenings, and other events. Of course it goes without saying having an uncle in the music business did have its perks; like have Shlomo Carlebach play at our bar mitzvahs. Our family also helped with the business. For example, my mother often was responsible for the concert bookings. As I got older I also helped out. For example, when Shlomo toured Poland, Russia, and other European countries I ran the day to day operations during the summer of 1989. I also reminisce how my parents enjoyed attending Shlomo Carlebach concerts.  They were always singing, clapping, and dancing along with Shlomo. Likewise, I remember how my mother always enjoyed listening to Shlomo's music in the car as well as other places.

Perhaps one of the most memorable Shlomo event is what I like to call "Shabbos with Shlomo"; not to be confused with the album. Sometime in the 1980s my parents decided to open their home and host a Shabbos with Shlomo event. Instantly our basement was transformed into a shul. One of the vacant apartments were used for guests. To be truthful, I am not sure how they turned their house into a shul and hosted so many people. However, this Shabbos left an everlasting impression on me. I remember the  beautiful davening enhanced with Shlomo's songs as well as the divrei torah and fascinating stories that were shared during this Shabbaton.

As I got older I started going to the Upper West Side and participated in numerous "Shabbos with Shlomo" events. These events were always joyful with singing and stories. I also met many fascinating people with awe inspiring stories. I also felt a deeper connection as it would draw me back to my younger years when I could enjoy the magic of Shlomo Carlebach with all of my family members.

Ultimately, my favorite Shlomo Carlebach encounter is the last time I saw him with my then future wife. During the fall of 1994 I went to the Upper West Side to spend sometime with my uncle over Simchas Torah. Naturally, I also frequented numerous single events during Simchas Torah. During one of these events I met a young woman named Esther Kahn. We started talking and clicked insantly. After talking a while, I suggested that we should walk over to the Carlebach shul. At the Carlebach shul I introduced my wife to Shlomo Carlebach. He greeted us by saying, "Ladies and Gentlemen... Mr. and Mrs. Gutnicki." A short while later he started singing a new song from his album called Mheirah. Needless to say, this became our song.

A few weeks later Shlomo Carlebach passed away. This was shocking as we had just seen him a few weeks ago filled with so much life and energy. It was also sad as an important connection to my mother was now severed. However, I feel fortunate that my wife had the opportunity to briefly meet Shlomo Carlebach. I am also grateful for all the joy and happiness Shlomo brought to my family and people from all walks of life across the world. His joy and approach to life has always been inspiring and has a message that still resonates and is even more relevant today.

February 23rd; A Day to Remember

It is hard to believe that February 23rd is here again. It is even harder to believe that my mother passed away almost 25 years ago.  Had my mother lived she would have been 67. Around this time of the year I imagine how she would interact with her family; especially her grandchildren who she never met. When I was a teenager I used to buy mom a present for her birthday. Looking back, I am fairly certain the gifts were fairly gaudy. Afterall, I was a teenager during the 1980s. In any case, my mom never let on. In fact, she always acted it as if it was  the greatest gift ever. This meant a great deal to me as my mom could be someone who was very demanding.

As I reflect on this, I cannot help notice that I can be fairly demanding on my children. With this in mind, I remind myself to praise my children or their small and big accomplishments. For example, I recently told my oldest boy that his writing skills have significantly improved. His reaction was similar to my reaction when my mother praised me; he truly appreciated the compliment. As I reflect on these anecdotes, I am reminded how much we can learn through the eyes of others. For as long as I knew my mom she was always worked hard and was very busy. Yet through it all she always made time for her children. In fact, her children always came first. Similarly, the care and passion for her children she showed was undeniable as well as awe inspiring. At the same time, she set high standards for her children.  With that, I want to thank my mother for all the lessons she has taught us through living her life as she did. May her life continue to inspire her family, friends, and those that new her.

Rabbi Akiva Remembers

Guest Post... By Rabbi Akiva Gutnicki

My mother was an incredible person. Her memory continues to be an inspiration to me and my whole family. For me personally, a big factor that led to me involved in Kiruv was my mother.During her lifetime, my mother lived life to its fullest despite many obstacles throughout her life. She lost her father at the young age of 14. How did she react? She picked up the pieces and worked after school and helped support the family financially. In fact she always took great care of my grandmother ob"m.
My mother always led by action. She instilled in my childhood great memories. My childhood was always fun due to her. In elementary school, I always had any nosh that I wanted. Every Pesach holiday we always went to a hotel. Anytime possible we would have a big birthday party. Any toy,video game, etc..that we wanted my mother didn't even hesitate and got the item that we wanted. 
She did all of this while having cancer. My mother felt that each moment in life was so valuable and deserved to be maximized. Her sickness never served as an excuse that she couldn't take care of us properly. Quite the contrary, it gave my mother more motivation to give us the best childhood. 
My childhood days were some of the fondest in my life. The gift that my mother gave to my family to make everything look a normal day despite a reality of many obstacles was invaluable. For me personally, I am very grateful to have that experience. I try to lead my life that way for my whole family. That even though we live in a world with many challenges, we still have the ability to make the best of it at each moment. It had led me to go into kiruv; where I try to inspire people about Judaism. I always try to convey that Judaism is meant to be a way of enjoying each moment in life. Mommy, I miss you dearly. Thank you for what you gave to me, I always will cherish my childhood. I will always will cherish what you did for us.

What Would Yetta Gutnicki Do…

For those who know me a long time they may know of another Gutnicki; Yetta Gutnicki. There was a time that many people from different circles knew of my mother. Some knew her from her childhood, some from her work as a nurse, and some from other circles. It was always fascinating to hear about my mother. These days there are fewer people who knew of her. Subsequently, I must rely on my own memories to recall the days of old. Naturally pictures and visiting locations from the past is also helpful. Sometimes,I will reflect on a specific date or a certain amount of years ago such as 25 and 30 years ago.

As my own children grow older I often catching myself following my mother’s footsteps. As my wife and I prepared Simcha for his bar mitzvah we used various incentives to keep Simcha on track. We also expected our son to devote adequate time to his bar mitzvah studies so that he can be successful. At the same time we were very careful not to cause stress to Simcha during the process. Incidentally, a funny thing happened along the way. Simcha not only reached the expected milestones for his bar mitzvah; he exceeded it. He practiced his laining and made sure he can be heard by all of the participants. It was then I noticed some remarkable parallels.

I remember how my mother used incentives to keep my brothers and myself on track for our bar mitzvah as well as other tasks. More importantly, I also remember how my mother kept fighting for her children until the very end of her life. No matter what challenges she was facing nothing was ever more important than the welfare of her children. She always made time to help her children with their academics, listen to their problems, and always pushed and fought with every ounce of strength for the benefit of her children. The fighting aspect occurred to me as I reflected on the different challenges my wife and I have weathered for our children. As I think about the various memories of my mother it always involved helping her family in one form or another. For example, while she was ill with ovarian cancer, she was helping her own mother with illness, her children with their homework, and so on. So as I reflect on my mother’s life I ask, “What would Yetta Gutnicki do?” The answer is very simple. She would keep fighting no matter how steep the challenge. Giving up would never be an option.

Memories of Kosher Delight and Other Stuff

When I was a kid Kosher Delight was all the rage. Like many families we enjoyed the convenience of eating at their establishment. Anyhow... let me take you back to 1990 when I was about to enter my 2nd year of college. For those who remember those time our economy was not doing well. The stock market crashed only a few year earlier and everyone seemed to be hurt financially. The shop until you drop attitude of the 1980's was no longer viable. Nevertheless, we still had bills to pay. In my case, I needed a way to pay for college. As the summer was winding down, I started looking for a job. I called several ads and was getting nowhere. Since I was 18 years old at the time this is no surprise.

Upon hearing of my job woes, my mother said to me, "Your going about this the wrong way. I have an idea. I am going to drive you around. You will walk into different establishments and tell the store manager you are interested in working for them." Our first stop was Kosher Delight. I spoke to the manager for a few minutes and was hired immediately. My shift was from 6-11 PM 5 days a week; Sunday- Thursday. At this job, I had several tasks including carrying up the food from the freezer in the basement, preparing customer orders, and assisting customers. I do not remember too much about the experience. However, here are a few things I do remember. My manager, told me after they finish the order to subtly ask if they need anything else. Furthermore, if the customer, did not order a drink we were encouraged to ask the customer if they want a drink with this order. I also remember had to wear a silly Kosher Delight hat and some kind of Kosher Delight uniform which had seen its better days.

A few weeks later a friend of mine bumped into me at Kosher Delight and asked me what they were paying me hourly. When I told my friend I was making minimum wage she was horrified. She then told me, "I am going to get you a better job with my boss." I went on the interview to work at a picture frame factory. Sure enough, they were interested in hiring me. With this in mind,  I discussed this new job opportunity with my parents and told them how I would get paid 6 dollars an hour instead of 4 dollars an hours. My father was concerned about me leaving Kosher Delight and was noting that you might  regret leaving if this Kosher Delight manager gets promoted and you bump into him in other circles. He further noted that if I really want to leave I should give the manager 3 week notice. Suddenly, my mother said sarcastically, " 3 week notice? He only worked there for 4 weeks! Plus your talking about a  fast food job!" Afterwords, we all had a good laugh and of course I started the new job.

So... what is the point of this story? Well, in short my mom was someone you could always depend on sensible advice. No one had more  street smarts than her. Who else could coach their son to walk into a store and get a job. Who else could dispense great dating advice, how to handle changing jobs, and so on. This is why she was well liked at the medical office she worked at. She knew people were nervous about going to the doctor. To this end, she would always dispense good advice, and put their mind at ease.

Studying for Tests

For as long as I can remember there has always been a great deal of chatter on student proficiency levels in ELA and Math. Whether you refer to the Nation at Risk, the Common Core Standards, or the new teacher accountability system; it is always tied to student performance in which politicians  discuss the percentage of students performing at grade levels or which countries have the best education system.

Yesterday  I was reading a report which discussed the average SAT scores of teachers servicing students and how we should try to recruit teachers with high SAT scores. Lost in these conversations are how these tests impact students. In fact, I do not think I ever seen an article that addresses this issue. I am always thankful that at least in my elementary years the annualized test was not ac major focus in our school. However, I do remember how the regents in high school were a big deal. Like many students I studied for the exams and worried how I would perform as I was told how important it was to graduate with a regents diploma. Keep in mind, that during the 1980's a regents diploma meant you passed 3 math regents, 2 science regents, 1 history regents,  1 English regents, and 1 language regents. Through it all both my parents were very supportive of the entire process. My father was always available to help me with any math question I had and had an amazing way of explaining mathematical concepts with such clarity. Similarly, my mother was very helpful with the Biology regents which is no surprise given her medical background.

Both my parents were demanding (especially my mother) as they wanted the best for their children. At the same time, my mother would offer support ranging from study techniques,  assisting with my studies, encouragement , coaching, and so on. She also told me repeatedly that she was not concerned with the final grade as long as I focused on my studies. Through their support I always understood that  the test score was not the most important thing, it was what you learned through the process. Through their support, I was not super stressed about these high stakes tests as I knew I had a family that was very supportive of this process. As I think about these experiences I am both appreciative of the upbringing I had. However, I also recognize that our politicians need to build the necessary supports so that struggling families can help their children as well as there is no question that strong family support is the most significant factor to guarantee student success.